This is so well written!! Actually felt relatable in some ways too, not in the depression kinda way relatable,but there are times when everything becomes foggy for me and I lose focus, it felt like you were describing that specific experience of mine sometimes!
im so glad youve found something that resonates!! i find that too sometimes, ill read something about another experience and still find solidarity with it in my own experiences. that makes me so happy!!
OH, LOVELY... I can relate to so much of what you said here. I feel compelled to mention that what you described is very indicative of dissociation. It's very common for trauma survivors whether it was big T or little t trauma. Maybe you already knew that, I just wanted to mention it in case someone relates and has been wondering about whether or not to go to therapy. It can help. For me, it drastically changed with the right meds. YET, even still- that suspended state...with or without trauma, it's a reality that I deeply empathize with and understand.
Your piece is so beautiful. I'm excited to read more from you.
Paris feel free to message me if you want to chat about it. Happy to share my experience. Not a medical professional but I do have insight I won't discount. ❤️ Honestly I think most everyone experiences some form of it. We just call it other things like “zoning out” or being “out of it”. But it can become more chronic if it's frequent, unnatended, and rooted in trauma. 🫂🫂🫂
As someone who has had depression as a best friend for a very long time, I can relate so much to your essay. I admit that there was a point when it even became a comfort zone. As of today, however, I can say that things are much better - for the first time I'm not afraid of winter and that the weather might be right.
This is breathtaking. The way you articulate that in-between space is hauntingly familiar and profoundly human. There’s such clarity in your honesty, such poetry in your pain, that it makes the reader pause and feel alongside you. It’s rare to find writing that captures numbness so vividly, without losing its tenderness.
“depression is a cruel captor. it creeps up on you and swallows you whole before you have the chance to notice it’s shadowy presence waiting in the corner of the room.” Beautifully written Paris 🤍
Paris! Oh, how I enjoyed reading this (even though it ached my heart a tad). I noticed it immediately - your writing voice is one of my favorite kinds: conversational, but it's sitting on the kitchen floor at 2am conversational. The best type of conversations that you only get a few of in your life, but you never forget them.
this is one of the best things i've read in a while. my favourite part is that just from reading the title, i had so many possibilities racing in my mind of what that could mean, and what that third state could be. of course, reading the essay itself was a beautiful and comforting experience.
wow paris this was beautifully written. it brought me so much solace to have my similar experiences articulated in such a way. i agree that i think depression is the third state - it’s a state of survival, rather than living or dying, making it practically impossible to do anything else. your writing style has a calming tone to it and was so comforting, “it rips the voice from your throat, the colour from your vision. suspended in a state of dissonance, betrayed by both your body and your mind.” the visual imagery in this alone was so captivating and powerful . beautiful read and can’t wait to read more
This piece doesn’t just speak it aches. It captures that quiet, heavy space where you’re breathing, but not really living. That third state between life and death isn’t just poetic it’s painfully real for so many. The way it describes numbness, the weight in your limbs, the disconnection from your own life… it’s like reading a diary entry you didn’t know you’d written. Depression isn’t loud it’s silent and slow, and this reflection honours that truth with grace. What moved me most was the reminder to be gentle with ourselves. Because surviving isn’t the same as living, and sometimes, just holding on is the bravest thing we do. This piece is a hand on your shoulder saying, “I see you. You’re not alone.”
This is so well written!! Actually felt relatable in some ways too, not in the depression kinda way relatable,but there are times when everything becomes foggy for me and I lose focus, it felt like you were describing that specific experience of mine sometimes!
im so glad youve found something that resonates!! i find that too sometimes, ill read something about another experience and still find solidarity with it in my own experiences. that makes me so happy!!
i love your newsletter name and i hope you don’t stay in the third state of existence for too long 🤍 this was deeply relatable and lovely to read
thank you sweetie ♥️
OH, LOVELY... I can relate to so much of what you said here. I feel compelled to mention that what you described is very indicative of dissociation. It's very common for trauma survivors whether it was big T or little t trauma. Maybe you already knew that, I just wanted to mention it in case someone relates and has been wondering about whether or not to go to therapy. It can help. For me, it drastically changed with the right meds. YET, even still- that suspended state...with or without trauma, it's a reality that I deeply empathize with and understand.
Your piece is so beautiful. I'm excited to read more from you.
thank you so much! and thank you for your advice, ive wondered about dissociation before so maybe ill look into that :)
Paris feel free to message me if you want to chat about it. Happy to share my experience. Not a medical professional but I do have insight I won't discount. ❤️ Honestly I think most everyone experiences some form of it. We just call it other things like “zoning out” or being “out of it”. But it can become more chronic if it's frequent, unnatended, and rooted in trauma. 🫂🫂🫂
thank you :( i honestly might at some point
ANYTIME.
As someone who has had depression as a best friend for a very long time, I can relate so much to your essay. I admit that there was a point when it even became a comfort zone. As of today, however, I can say that things are much better - for the first time I'm not afraid of winter and that the weather might be right.
this makes me so happy to hear :)
When we understand the true nature of depression it is possible to be free of it.
Depression is not an illness despite what many will tell you. It is the very essence of your being shouting to you to be fully and truly seen.
The nature of modern life crushes our ability to see the true essence of our being. But waking up is possible.
Check out one of my most recent pieces 'Putting on the Mask's
This is breathtaking. The way you articulate that in-between space is hauntingly familiar and profoundly human. There’s such clarity in your honesty, such poetry in your pain, that it makes the reader pause and feel alongside you. It’s rare to find writing that captures numbness so vividly, without losing its tenderness.
“depression is a cruel captor. it creeps up on you and swallows you whole before you have the chance to notice it’s shadowy presence waiting in the corner of the room.” Beautifully written Paris 🤍
thank you!!
Paris! Oh, how I enjoyed reading this (even though it ached my heart a tad). I noticed it immediately - your writing voice is one of my favorite kinds: conversational, but it's sitting on the kitchen floor at 2am conversational. The best type of conversations that you only get a few of in your life, but you never forget them.
oh this is one of the nicest things ive ever been told haha thank you so much i feel like im gonna remember this compliment forever
this is one of the best things i've read in a while. my favourite part is that just from reading the title, i had so many possibilities racing in my mind of what that could mean, and what that third state could be. of course, reading the essay itself was a beautiful and comforting experience.
wow paris this was beautifully written. it brought me so much solace to have my similar experiences articulated in such a way. i agree that i think depression is the third state - it’s a state of survival, rather than living or dying, making it practically impossible to do anything else. your writing style has a calming tone to it and was so comforting, “it rips the voice from your throat, the colour from your vision. suspended in a state of dissonance, betrayed by both your body and your mind.” the visual imagery in this alone was so captivating and powerful . beautiful read and can’t wait to read more
this is such a kind comment oml thank you so so much for reading
Here's to learning how to swim ! Very relatable and beautifully worded. Well done
This piece doesn’t just speak it aches. It captures that quiet, heavy space where you’re breathing, but not really living. That third state between life and death isn’t just poetic it’s painfully real for so many. The way it describes numbness, the weight in your limbs, the disconnection from your own life… it’s like reading a diary entry you didn’t know you’d written. Depression isn’t loud it’s silent and slow, and this reflection honours that truth with grace. What moved me most was the reminder to be gentle with ourselves. Because surviving isn’t the same as living, and sometimes, just holding on is the bravest thing we do. This piece is a hand on your shoulder saying, “I see you. You’re not alone.”
This is a thoughtful reflection on a difficult state of being. You put it into words really well. 💚
How carefully weaved this is! It’s almost like the two of having s real dialogue. Keep writing, Paris!
painful yet such a poignant read. thank you so much for sharing, paris<3